Life is hard everywhere, at least there are mountains here. I moved with the intention of finding a lighter way of life. A life where I can dance through some trees and drink from a well. Perhaps even collect some flowers and dance my way back. A life where my face is always in the sun and I forget to do anything else and then get scared about it. Like having to be pushed in a direction before I forget that there is a life that I need to live. There are so many things to do. So many people to meet. So many dollar bills. I can’t just sit in the sun until I’m done. I’ll never be done. With my face in the sun I am catatonic.
poem
do the hike first
knowing you is kind of like knowing only the face
and the name
seeing the person
a flashy and vacant appearance
where I can only see the gleaming wet pavement
and a heart pounding
surrounded by lack of attention
or authenticity
in time in time
things will take and take
a person may seem nice at first Shiny,
they will never hurt you
but then they take off their mask
and there’s another one, and another mask,
emotional availability is
the only promise
I just stare and wait to see a real face
but only receive a
sneak preview of a person
a sneak preview of the most perfect person
and a subpar plan
every weekend of the season
o be cut short
and goes nowhere
falling down the stairs
and it goes nowhere
in
I’m pulling the emergency brake on this car
it going backwards at a full speed
down the steepest hill
I’m in a space between who I used to be
and who I want to be
finally there
is a balance
I’m wearing the same
lack of color
a few weeks ago I was convinced
that I had murdered a friend
from the past
there was guilt that
I was carrying
grief
I spent an entire day searching
the internet for the way that
she died until
I found the article that states that
she was hit by a car
21 and enthusiastic about her education
free
everytime that I think it’s a good idea
I remember to look at the area where
the skin is illuminated
bright pink
it’s tiny and raw piece of skin
that doesn’t Belong to my hand
it’s someone else’s
I didn’t notice when it happened
it grows larger
as I lose my tan from last year
in contrast
with the gray skies
it’s the first thing that
a stranger sees
Morning song
A giant woke up in a house with tissue paper walls and light that fills every corner. Look at this painting! Look at that painting! Look at the window! They’re waking up with you. The trees are bare. Talk about how it’s prettier in the summer. Look at it and say that it is not enough for the moment.
idntknnow
carefully carefully
please be aware
of the green leaves
that are taking over this
bed
the window,
bare
with a few snowflakes
shaking around
I am covering myself
In this bright orange
Wool blanket
Eyes lowered
legs bare in the
winter sunlight streaming
through the window
I feel like a you
foreverago
please for the love of god
stop apologizing
for rejecting me.
stop apologizing for
you need a place to lay your
aching fucked up head. You
couldn’t stay
with the other woman
she’s yelling things at you from her car
I woke up thinking about
the warmest day of the summer
it was rainy and we were in the corner
of your new bedroom
it was a humid warmth, contained.
you didn’t bother to acknowledge it
while I was doing everything in my power
to hold it in my hands
