bailing out when it gets too hard
I stare at the doorway
look up at the pines
I’m not apart of it
never will be
he told me
do anything to spend
another night with her
made me feel
is no breaking
the only place to ask
become accustomed to
hearing these placeholder
the cerulean blue couch
caught somewhere between
the mundanity, grief,
and trying to save
someone’s life, a past lover
but drinking coffee and
Before boarding the plane
my step-dad gave me some sudden advice
“Don’t accept free food samples”
I suppose being poisoned
is a fear that I had yet to acquire
but at last here it is
I sipped from a glass of wine
between a marble statue and concrete
on the third sip, I found myself upstate
in the closing part of winter
there I was, staring at the ceiling fan
trying to convince the man in the red wool sweater
to paint over
all of the thin black lines
I had painted on their door
You know when
you are around a similar soul,
because of the calm that surrounds them.
When you see them
as if you feel lighter.
I was making my way up to the laundry room,
with a full bladder and overall discomfort,
towards myself and to life in general.
My flip flop was also causing me great pain.
I saw him making his way through the woods.
I looked at him and then painfully
opened the laundry room door.
Someone in the laundry said hi to me,
but I wasn’t present.
I see him and I feel like I’ve seen a ghost.
I guess I’m seeing myself in another human,
which is always a rude awakening.
His voice strikes a familiar chord in me.
I just can’t pinpoint it.
some men just have attractive voices.
As I was deeply thinking about birds,
and what faces people find attractive,
I entered a room with such a gentle energy.
One that was familiar,
for the lack of a better word.
The bend of the spine,
to be closer to the sink,
washing his hands, eyes turned inward.
I fall in love with people too quickly.
You are what you underline,
what you bookmark,
you are the songs
that bring the past to the present,
the first thing you do when you get home,
the last thing you say to your dog before you leave,
the shoes you wear out,
to their final thread
the things you observe are valuable,
don’t feel that your view of the world is wrong,
Love is often
if it is double sided,
words will never
translate the heaviness
I am still dissecting you,
every eye movement,
the pattern of your speech,
as if trying to come to a conclusion
in my favor
This is what led to my break,
I wanted so badly to have you
that I made it happen in a dimension
unknown to others,
Love is an act of madness
I sent a text,
Why even bother.
I thought you were my lover,
I guess I’m a goner.
I didn’t want love,
it just happened to appear.
Now it’s clear
that I have lost my
Desperate and sincere.
It is the last day of February
and I am lacking inspiration.
Months seem to go by
with no trace of productivity.
What should I do?
I should take on a new perspective.
A fresh one.
One free of insecurities and worries.
Let go of all of the thoughts
that don’t serve me anymore.
And there are many.
Isn’t terrible how people fall in love,
unreciprocated is the best kind.
Next month, I will be more productive.
the hoped for,