in complete despair
and under unsatisfactory life
I hold onto a rejection
of being replaced and ignored
I find the details out later, but in the
moment there is a knowing
its hovering in my hollow gut
mistaking them for butterflies
trying to understand
why they kind of feel like butterflies
the Lights above are fluorescent
zoom back to me staring
at the pink and green mascaras
a group of kids walk by
discussing who is the strongest
and who hasn’t cried
because of a death
I would have never
that things might
eventually get better.
The old me was sure to
things are bound to get
I do not regret this way of thinking,
Things actually did get worse,
but they always do
before they get better of course.
So I will, quietly, sit here
just hope for great things to happen.
Without any real reasoning, or cause.
Being that things are still very
up in the air,
and I cannot be sure , dead certain,
of anything, really.
I will remain sipping my tea
like I lost my entire world,
Like I lost everything
but my dignity, and integrity,
and what remains is this shell full of light
as I drink this lemon ginger tea like it is the last thing I will ever drink,
and eat this sandwich like it’s my last meal.
Things become a lot more enjoyable
when you consider every moment,
this very moment, the next moment,
death could be around the corner
this, could be your last.
“ So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride” as Larry would say.
I met a guy named Metal Rob,
he had long hair,
then cut it off
and got a job.
I will never cut my hair off.
My hair certifies the nut that I am.
I am not trying to fool anyone into believing
that I am sane.
It would be extremely difficult to do so, and
a waste of my time.
I lied to myself and to others,
for so many years,
by manipulating my hair into different forms and shapes.
Never was I content with its natural state.
The transition, or metamorphosis was so intense,
I was forced to leave the state
in which I found myself,
Maybe one day, I’ll get a job.