first summer

aftershocks of a hurting pattern,
I will not let it continue to bother me
My eyes feel sensitive, soft at the edges
tired,
Everyone is in a relationship and laughing
justify, simplify,
explain,
the solitude
the way I rub coconut oil over my body
jump in the lake
swim to the dock
climb up the ladder
and flatten my body
over the heated wooden square
in the middle
of promised ripples
I gain the energy
to swim back